Becoming a parent is a very isolating experience. Suddenly your entire world takes on a whole new perspective and you listen with ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ ears. There are no tests to pass but plenty of courses to take and paths to choose. Now you aren’t just grown up you ARE the grown up; making decisions and choices for your children that you hope and trust will point them in the right direction as their years pass by.
Having children adds a new level of stress on relationships. The focus is no longer on your partner and we can often find ourselves losing the connection that once kept us close. Small disagreements go unresolved in the hustle and bustle of daily life and the disconnect can cause the whole thing to unravel if we aren’t careful. There is even a loss of self and your own individuality as we go through the motions and the spotlight is on our children. It takes a conscious effort to maintain that sense of self and find balance during those child rearing years.
My son will be 3 tomorrow. He is my youngest and my last. Between my partner and I there are five children, each of them unique and creative personalities in their own rights. As a blended family we live busy separate lives that come together and part in ebbs and flows as the days and weeks pass by. School, skating, dance, track, plays, concerts, birthday parties and playdates are just a few of the weekly events to keep track of not to mention making dinner and lunches. We have unique challenges but at the same time we are also afforded special time just the two of us. Though we have five children they all have alternate parents which gives us one weekend each month sans kids and sans work; it is like a mini vacation from life and serves as a reminder of how fortunate and blessed we, and our children, are.
Making time together and finding time apart is so important to our sense of self and to the development of our children as well. It means a lot to me that my children understand that I not only make time for each of them to be alone with me but to be alone with my partner as well as by myself. Of course we all spend time together too! My mindful choices I hope serve as positive healthy examples to my children and give them some tools as they grow up.
What kinds of things do you do to stay connected to your loved one? Do you try and make time for each of your kids alone? Leave a comment!